At this point

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You must pivot and see things from another point of view - there are not many that are willing to do such a thing - 

And what you might find when you do - will take work to make what you want out of it - 

It’s about taking time / moments to react to a situation- the person who is driven by instant response finds suffering- 

Drinking makes me feel nothing - and when I feel nothing about drinking - I don’t worry about the other things that make me feel nothing - since I already feel nothing why care about feeling anything , about everything  

If your going to have a opinion you need to have the strongest opinion on the worst example in that situation- 

My heaviest memory is a Christmas before I knew what parents could do to thier children, I feel that feeling every time I see a Christmas Tree 

If my father had not killed himself would I not have told all that I’ve told ??? Would I not betrayed my family- 

⁃ every day your purpose is telling “ go and do it “ and everyday you don’t listen 

Feeling like either life has already past one by or being so scared that life is going to pass you by, both feelings get the same result 

Make thing smaller - don’t look at the big picture- look at the paint and the brushes 

I keep going because now every time I think about or do it - I feel bad about it 

⁃ when the pain / fear inside grows large enough and it begins to feed on the the people that are on the outside, This is when ultimate suffering or ultimate change begins -

 It’s that I hate myself because there are pieces of me that I was not able to give to you - because I gave them to someone else - and I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to forgive myself for that -  

 I really did not know you existed and I gave up on ever meeting you - and I hate that -  

Having to learn to read your parents, as a kid, to know how the day was going to go by reading their moods / bodies / eyes 

Meeting someone with the same issues is the greatest path to destruction and most incredible path to enlightenment. IF you both make it there in one piece  

The characteristics where one can connect every choice to a past choices, which seem unrelated,  because all choices are related- 

All actions are connected- 

To do something you don’t want to do - you either have to be a slave or an exchange of goods or services is made - Unless you believe you are a slave - even though you are not - you have convince yourself to be a slave… FOR SOME REASON… we do… 

 Addiction is irrational emotion run wild that your brain / body tricks itself into think a substance is a cure - instead of the reality that only you can control this emotion and only while sober, unfortunately.  

You start trying to understand your Parent  / then you figure it would just be easier to figure out your self 

As children we imagine a life as a adult, while playing with dolls, either GI joe’s or Barbies or video games characters. We don’t know the consequences that comes with becoming an Adult - and then we do and then we are either mad, sad or driven. Thank God You DO Get To Choose Which One We Get To Be 

Because, Once they are gone it helps to remember why you are remembering them - Why they were even in your life to begin with - Because they brought more happy than they did sad  /and if that is not the case / Then they brought a new kind of happy that you didn't realize you could even experience / of course with that comes a new kind of pain that you didn’t realize you could even experience

If I am starving and you offer me a shit sandwich and a human meat sushi I’ll just starve to death - ( this is how I feel about our political choices) 

 You can put in front of someone the greatest opportunity of their life - but if they don’t believe they can do it / it’s doesn’t matter /you have to convince the person that they can actually do it before your present it -  

It’s not just so much what happened / it’s that it really worked out very well for a lot of people / and it did turn out well for me in some ways / but the thing I’ve wanted the longest slips through my hands in a big way - 

It’s that when you first heard about infinity and the universe- you immediately went “ I understand it and I know there is a God 

You don’t get to feel that anymore / you have to find something else to feel - 

Could a dragon tear fall from your cold eye? 

 Humans do not need to remind the world is on a second by second survival rate  

 The things that people refuse to speak about are the things that will eventually kill them  

Because the older you get and the more your mind is filled with memories of all the good and bad stuff that happened / the less you can focus on the life you are currently living in present time - 

F.E.A.R. : Fuck Everything and Run 

Talent hits a target no one else can hit / genius it’s a target no one else can see 

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